I feel like I want to write. Too bad I didn’t finish what I supposed to finish. Stabbing from the back does hurt. Stretch on word does. It really does. Don’t worry sweetheart, that’s not what I’m going to write. I just wanna tell a story. This gonna be a long long story.
First thing first. Yeah, I supposed I’m not going to have much more time. Life’s getting old and weird nowadays. If you people keep asking, “howdy babe?” , yeah, I always said, “great”. Always have. Remember when I came back from hostel after spm? Yeah. Remembering that day, I’m gonna freak out though. Today, when I came back from my uni, it happened again. Well, life not gonna change unless you have a very very strong and tough mind dude.
I come back after my long gone. I probably have died before. Then I woke up from a very long long sleep. You woke me up sweetheart. And you killed me too. Heh, nope nope. That’s not right. You probably just shoot me with some rock salt and put me in the bed with all the pain. Well, I’ve been watching supernatural all this time and they said, rock salt can send demons back to hell, while if you used it to human, hell yeah. It’s gonna really make you damn hurt dude. Wanna try? Maybe later.
Back then, the story is about how I catching up with all studies, life and heavy tough lessons in uni. Now the story gonna be different. Yeah, real different. It’s about how I holding up after all this time. Well, I’m not really holding up actually, I’m that type of person that cannot stop my mind from thinking even though that’s only about a small little thing. Trust me, you gonna be crazy if you were me. It’s killing you from inside when you cant stop yourself from thinking. Naturally, my lecturer said that I have this kind of ability. You know, still can solve the problem you read in the book even though I’m actually have been shutting down my eyes. But, on the other hand, what he don’t know or maybe he didn’t noticed is that I still thinking and thinking and I cant control myself. Yeah, now, it’s really really bad huh.
I never noticed this actually. Not really until when I was in form 5. Kinda fresh maybe. It’s start when I was given kind of homework from my addmath teacher (actually, it’s just up to me whether or not I wanna doing it). I read the question right after she gave that. I got physics class after that (if I’m not mistaken). You know what, I cant focused on physics instead my mind keep thinking on how to solve the problem. It’s only stop right after I knew how to solve it. Kinda weird to tell, but it’s how it goes. When you people ask me just stop thinking bout it, then teach me how. I’ve tried thousand times and I still cant get over it.
Sometimes I get angrier when it happened. I keep punching the wall. Well, better than I punched on people aite? When you see me silent, just let me. That’s mean that I just trying hard to not think about anything. If normal people need a few days to get back, then I need more than a year to get back. To get into myself. Sweetheart, it’s up to you to think whatever about me.
I’m not talking about a bad day here. The things that I faced, there aren’t words. There is no forgetting. There’s no making it better. Because it is right here, in my head, forever. You wouldn’t understand. And I could never make you understand. So I am sorry.
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